Am I emotionally unavailable?
Ten questions about the two seconds before you go quiet. That moment is short, specific, and worth finding.
A mirror, not a measurement. Ten honest questions, no account, nothing saved.
WHAT YOU LEAN TOWARD
You go quiet when it gets close
There is a moment, and it is short, where a feeling arrives and gets put somewhere instead of let in. After that you are still in the room and still talking, but the part of you the other person was reaching for has gone offline.
From the inside this is not coldness, it is efficiency. Nothing has to be handled, nothing gets out of control. From the outside it reads as absence, and people gradually stop bringing you the things that would have required you to be present.
The workable target is not openness in general. It is that two second moment, what happens in it, and what it has been keeping out.